Monday was kind of crappy, I'm not going to lie.
One of those days when you climb into bed so frustrated and down.
Besides sending Mr. off for yet another week in Seattle, we had a rough start, which turned into a badly behaved rotten afternoon, which culminated in finding out my mom (who always has been so careful about over exposure where the sun is concerned) has skin cancer.
Apparently, it's the not so scary kind (read: not melanoma), and apparently easily treatable, but still. Cancer.
My family spent 5 years going through chemo with my brother when he had Leukemia, and things like that, they leave a mark on you, whether you realize it or not.
After I had Hannah and I realized that another human being might be depending on me staying alive, I was sure that every headache was a tumor, every bruise meant Leukemia, and every nursing blockage was breast cancer.
In other words, I was a nutty hypochondriac for about 6 months.
I can't tell you what physically happened to me when my sister said the word "cancer" over the phone, but it involved a spinning head and a cold sweat, followed by (admittedly) tears.
When I went to bed I started thinking about how fleeting life is. And how I never want to waste another day like that again. Ever. No matter the circumstances.
And do you know what, today was different. It was wonderful.
Nothing special or spectacular happened. The littles spent the afternoon in their bathing suits playing with the hose (benefit of an Arizona spring break) while I worked on a reclaimed wood wall piece I'm building. I had a lovely conversation with my mom, filled with reassurances that she's going to be fine, and lots of (good-natured) family gossip. ;-) I cleaned my bathroom, which is a gross job, but when it's done and the sinks are sparkling, man I feel good. And me and the littles had a late dinner courtesy of the Wendy's drive-thru. Ava cooed at me, cried a little and spent a good portion of the day on my breast while I started re-reading Guernsey for oh, the millionth time.
That book makes me happy almost immediately.
I was thinking about what made today so much better than yesterday. Small things really. A good scripture study session, doing Pilates with Hannah this morning, getting outside in the sunlight and fresh air, a text from Mr. suggesting that when I pray I thank Heavenly Father for my blessings instead of asking for anything for myself. And you know what, all those simple silly things really do make a difference.
The secret of life is, there is no secret.
"Anyone who imagines that bliss is normal is going to waste a lot of time running around shouting that he has been robbed. The fact is that most putts don’t drop, most beef is tough, most children grow up to be just people, most successful marriages require a high degree of mutual toleration, and most jobs are more often dull than otherwise. Life is just like an old time rail journey . . . delays, sidetracks, smoke, dust, cinders, and jolts, interspersed only occasionally by beautiful vistas and thrilling bursts of speed. The trick is to thank the Lord for letting you have the ride." - Jenkins Lloyd Jones via Gordon B Hinckley